So What Are You Waiting For

afrusticwear @ 2006-06-15T01:31:00

2006-06-15T08:30:34Z

im stupid
and i want to hit myself for it but all well
its me, so whats new

and im thinking about LA... so i might move there
but i cant deside

afrusticwear @ 2006-06-11T00:51:00

2006-06-11T07:53:17Z

i think kira and i are on the same cycle...

i woke up today and had really bad cramps and am really horny
and so did kira

but she turned down sex... I WOULDNT HAVE... ugh im really jealous
ps not sex with me... but she could have gone to have sex, but turned it down then decided she wanted to but it was too late.... silly girl

afrusticwear @ 2006-06-01T06:41:00

2006-06-01T13:50:03Z

in the night sky i see your face
with the hint of morning on the rise

as wind flows on by me, giving me a sense that you are near
that its your warm breathe that is felt
i feel comforted in the choas of time

i want to say that you are the one that i always refered to
but you may just end up just like the rest
in a pile of lies and assholes
but against all odds, i hope you will prove me wrong

once more i look up at the sky and see the stars and planets
remembering how we just gazed out upon them those many weeks ago
feeling of peace in the universe

now the sun begins to show
its time to begin anew

afrusticwear @ 2006-06-01T04:51:00

2006-06-01T12:02:24Z

do you still look at it
and think of me

the leather band?
is it still hanging from your wrist

the red strip peeling with time...
i bet its all gone just as you are from me

i wonder what you think when you see it
ironicly i gave that to you to remind you of me

of our love
what was waiting for you

but now...
its only a reminder of what you threw away so easily

but where is it really?

is it tucked away to never be seen again until that unfortant day when you go rumaging through your things and flashes of me go running through your head?

is it wore in no thought of what it actually is or who its from?

or did you throw it away in shame of what happened, hoping such a simple reminder can be purgued to rid of me as well?

i want to say im past all that
that i have forgiven you
but really it still hurts
as if you were cut from my body, yet i still feel phantom pains from you

i know im better
my life is better
but your ghost comes upon me in the night

thoughts of what happened make me cry
as simple of a word
as simple of an action
as simple as you discarded me....

wear it, for old time sacks
and think of me
think of what could have been
not as its been

afrusticwear @ 2006-05-26T03:01:00

2006-05-26T10:01:15Z

bah... kinda disappointed in the new xmen.... there were some good things

but its more the standerds of any movie that im dissappointed in
as in they didnt tie up lose ends in the end
they didnt develope some of their new characters (as in how they fit into the story line of the movies)
they didnt need to go into their past but it was like hey look they are main characters suddenly and we arent going to tell you why

afrusticwear @ 2006-05-14T23:21:00

2006-05-15T06:20:11Z

I FUCKING BOUGHT A NEW CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

all on my own... well sorta... my parents gave me their old car... and then my brother crashed his car, and i sold him mine

so i took that money and BOUGHT A MOTHER FUCKING MERCEDES-BENZ... a used '03 with everything on it
I FUCKINGLOVE IT... i pick it up tomorrow
AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

afrusticwear @ 2006-05-10T13:41:00

2006-05-10T20:47:34Z

i write and write
but i never put the words down
i know i should
but i feel like its nothing but fluff

i love going back and reading
remembering how i felt
but its so revealing

i know that is the point
but people wanting to read your work...
and me knowing its about them

how can i not feel weird about you reading them
how am i to hide from you when my words only spoke of you
how can i avoid what it may bring up

now read
lets see what you will say
find out if my words are as transperant ad they seem to me

afrusticwear @ 2006-05-09T23:51:00

2006-05-10T07:04:53Z

cool, yet shitty, im going to go buy a new car

my brother is going to buy my car, and im going to use that as a down payment for i guess a honda civic coupe

i just dont want a car payments, but it would be easier for me to make payments than my brother with his family and geting a new place

so a new 2006 honda civic is i guess is in my path

i finally been home for like an hour and half

blah blah blah...
wrote a poem today i havent written in a long time and it felt good

So Today

2006-05-07T11:34:21Z

woke up Still drunk

went to a wedding

felt sick as hell until ate at the wedding

went and cooked for my friend's bbq... fucking great food THANK YOU VERY MUCH

lost my ID

blew up the grill

burt off a shit load of hair

got a hate email

totally cant stop thinking about one person

afrusticwear @ 2006-05-05T19:31:00

2006-05-06T02:32:17Z

lets see....
I MOVED!!!!!!!!!... yeah im cool like that

Im almost done with school

my dog pee'd on me today

broke up with my boyfriend (awhile ago)

found out the guy that i have liked for a long time wants me too, and it actually might be going somewhere

got some of my AWESOME posters FRAMED

definitely moving to HAWAII

Dying my hair

Trading Massage for the Dye job

Awesome roommate going to move in soon!!!!!

thank you
The End

afrusticwear @ 2006-04-23T22:21:00

2006-04-24T05:25:56Z

so for all you people who wonder where i am when im not online but never talk to me anyways LOL

i have moved to a new place... and will be with No Internet for quite a while... like a week or so hahah
so yeah

its ok, i havent really used the internet that much...which is weird cause normally im constantly online
but eh got better things to do as of late... so fun times

but i really want this job i applied for
and im going to apply at a gym by my new place as well
so hopefully ill ge hired there as well
which will be cool cause that means money lol

i use to not be a spoiled rich bitch
but now that i dont care about shit... i know i want nice things and will only settle for nice things
cant stand feeling all dirty like...
not saying poor people are dirty, but poor places tend to be dirtier... just cause the quality isnt in that kind of demand

so recap on life...
two programs im in
two possible jobs
new place
new boyfriend (well not really but he is coming in on thursday so it will be ALL new again)
new feelings of i could give a shit

and when i got the money, im so getting this tattoo i designed (well my brother drew it but still)
ciao

afrusticwear @ 2006-04-20T16:21:00

2006-04-20T23:17:55Z

ME DRUNK!!!!!

why... cause today i found out one of the girls in my class is filing sexual harassment and general harassment charges against me!!!!!!
yeah she is crazy i do believe... her accounts of what happened are so scewed... i mean ARG... its so fucked up
I MEAN IM GAY... why would i want to look at an older fat women... yeah no thanks

so yeah, my mom took me to lunch, i got that happy drunk!! yay for HAPPY DRUNK!!!

and my parents are going to move into their new house this weekend... im going to stay here until it sells
and my boyfriend will be here in a week... maybe for good *GASP*

yeah i definitely need to get laid lol

afrusticwear @ 2006-04-14T10:41:00

2006-04-14T17:50:39Z

i really hate people... with their caddyness and self centeredness
i really am going to cut a lot of people out of my life
because there is no need for them any more

i keep trying to stay friends with them, but they really dont care
so why should i care
fuck them

there is a few people ill probably stay friends with for as long as life premitts it...
saddly most of them are my friends from college in cali

so fuck this place and all you assholes

and for once im actually really happy in my life
school=great
boyfriend=great
future=great
best friends=great

so peace

afrusticwear @ 2006-04-06T22:11:00

2006-04-07T05:21:38Z

i am very happy as of late

boyfriend is awesome, he really makes me smile all the time, and i cant wait to actually just move in with him... which might be very soon?!?!?!?!

and school is actually going REALLY well... and SO CLOSE to being done, not as close as all you NORMAL college kids... but then again i Graduate in JULY... and MAY from personal training Sweet lol

yeah... now i just need to get my ass back into the gym and gain back those 7 pounds i lost... and maybe another 5lbs after that
i will look really hot... and its a bonus that its for someone... espically when he is doing so much for me, like quiting smoking and cutting down on drinking and never do any drugs (even though i said that weed is ok with me in moderation) but he said no cause he knows i dont like drugs

oh and he cant wait to meet my mom.. ehhehe... he is already calling her mother meshier... i think its cause his mom hung up the phone when he told her that he was gay a week ago...... and then fainted when he told her that he honestly sees himself marrying me

yeah yeah yeah
thinking about marriage already?!?!?!
well hell never thought about marrying anyone before (either one of us), and so obviously when both of us now are like i could see it... there is something there

man i love the boy lol

and so cant wait to be done with school
and cant wait to have more fun

OOOHHHH and i paid off my credit card... which is good cause i bought way too many expeincive clothes in cali last weekend... OOPS hahah

oh man though... the jacket i bought... SO HOTT
its a white blazer, pinned striped, with big cuffs that you roll up to a french cuff look with the lining showing... and awesome stitching on it... SOOOOO HOTT WANT TO TOUCH THE HINEY... OOOOUUUUUUUUUUUU

afrusticwear @ 2006-03-16T00:41:00

2006-03-16T07:43:37Z

i am back home i am very happy
out of the fucking hospital no pressured on anyone to see now lol jk

but yeah
i keep trying to convience myself that seeing guys and hooking up is good
but really... i just want a boyfriend

like times like these, you know how nice it would be just to lay in my bed and to be held... nothing else going on just to be held
i would be the happiest person alive

but yeah...
guys are lame
and i really like one guy but im not going to go for it
cause i dont want to try and push a single thing on any one
espically my feelings on them

but there is this guy who is rich and handsome who totally wants me
like is serious about it
but he lives in maryland and i just dont know if i could move there, cause its fucking cold
and i dont think he would want to move from his job.......

so yeah
shit out of luck

but hey, whatever
my lung is working again so im happy

afrusticwear @ 2006-03-13T12:38:00

2006-03-13T19:44:58Z

i really dont know what im doing with my life

thursday my lung collapsed,,, so i have been in the hospital since thursday

peopel have been telling me that i must have a great life a head of me cause how horrible it is that this happened

so i dont know
i realize that i really do like this guy but i have no idea if that will ever come about
and i really do just want to live in hawaii
and i really do want to do something in fashion

just dont know how to obtain these things

but im just going to march through life and hope for the best
cause thats all i can do... keeping my peace of mind is truly the only thing i have control over

just sad cause a lot of things are now going to be pushed back cause of my lung
and now it will always to a precaution for me
the bastard hahaha

hope to get out of the hospital soon

afrusticwear @ 2006-03-08T01:21:00

2006-03-08T08:26:12Z

Me?! a Slut?!?! NEVER...................................

Fuck the World... Im back!!!

2006-03-06T20:16:16Z

I Rocked out with my Cock out for my project
yeah and got a B in kinesiology... TAKE THAT

and i have my first personal training class tonight... HELLZ YES!!!
im excited for it

so yeah im on break between the two classes
so im going to work out and then rest and go back to school

5lbs more to go and im There!
then i dont know what ill change of my routine....

oh and can i go back and bitch slap myself for the last month or so... really now hahah

afrusticwear @ 2006-03-05T22:51:00

2006-03-06T06:03:59Z

im goign to have a few long days for the next two... three months
i have my personal training classes on monday and wednesday
so ill be going to school on those two days from 8am to 10pm

thats going to be fun...........
well i do have a few hours inbetween the two classes so i can run an errand or two and get dinner... so yay for that?!?!

afrusticwear @ 2006-02-28T20:31:00

2006-03-01T03:29:14Z

blah blah bloody blah

afrusticwear @ 2006-02-20T20:41:00

2006-02-21T03:49:20Z

I HAD THE WORST SLEEP OF MY LIFE LAST NIGHT

i couldnt fall asleep
but when i did i had this horrible dream
and not like a nightmare or anything like that
no just a dream that made me feel so bad about myself

ive seriously never had a dream like that
i was hurt so bad in my dream over and over
it was weird

i woke up late as well cause i thought my alarm was set for 630... but i forgot last week i changed it to 7 cause i was doing something else and needed to know it was 7 to get ready.... so yeah i look at the clock finally after hitting the snooze... still thinking its like 645... OH NO... its was 720!!
i have to be on the road by 730 if i want to make it to class on time....

ugh

i woke up feeling so shitty about myself
all from that dream... fucking dream
and then had to rush out of there... i literally brushed my teeth and left

but the day turned out pretty good
i have a date this week
and so we will see how that goes
im excited...

afrusticwear @ 2006-02-18T02:21:00

2006-02-18T09:30:11Z

God i cant stand people who make drama

if drama happens, well fine
life is full of drama, so you deal with it when it comes

but people who make unnessicary drama bug the shit out of me

i mean come on...

afrusticwear @ 2006-02-16T23:31:00

2006-02-17T06:41:00Z

i am without transportation... blah blah blah
i need to get the ball rolling on my job, need the promotion

school is actually good right now
things are ok
and this guy is frustrating

everytime i decided to just be like whatever about him, he then makes it so its all good
but RAR
im just going to leave it up to him casue i tried... so i know he knows that im intrested, he just needs to get on the ball
no pune intended ahhaha

afrusticwear @ 2006-02-13T16:18:00

2006-02-13T23:22:21Z

man i wanted to die yesterday, i was so sick....
i seriously take scarlet fever over that anyday

i do feel better
but still sick...
but doing a lot better
but absolutely no voice today...

i never actually lost my voice... i mean i have had it all scratchy but never Gone

seriously... NO VOICE
so weird

afrusticwear @ 2006-02-12T14:31:00

2006-02-12T21:37:24Z

so this drunk guy Slammed into me last night

and then Fled

yeah my car is fucked... hopefully they wont total it
so yeah no car for me!!!!

oh and i think im sick now too........ good weekend